You know you are a Goan or Mangalorean in Bombay When

  • You and your girlfriend are “friendly”.
  • You’ve never had a grandmother; you’ve always had a Nana. The same goes for Papa.
  • You jive to hip-hop.
  • Bastard is baashturd.
  • And baashturd is always preceeded by bleddie.
  • And if the DJ doesn’t play the “masala” he’s a bleddie baashturd and u feel like jhaaping or clipping him.
  • The first thing you ask another catholic is “which parish?”
  • Mazgaon is mazgon, Mahim is mayhim, Borivali is brivli, Bandra is banruh.
  • And you are a Mayhim boy or a Banruh girl.
  • Every sentence you say ends with “men”.
  • And most sentences you say begin with “cheh men”
  • Women are “chicks” and men are “buggers”.
  • It’s okay if you skipped your best friend’s birthday, but Sunday 9 o’clock mass, have to go men, to meet da chicks and da buggers.
  • You utter 9 F’s per 3 sentences.
  • You know at least one person in Vasai, Borivali I.C. colony and Orlem, each! .
  • The old people in the family call you “puta”.
  • Portugal is your favorite European country.
  • You know 13 Savio’s and 7 Sean’s. (Shawns).
  • You’ve been living in Bombay all your life, but you’re actually from Goa or Mangalore.
  • You never say Mumbai, but Bombay.
  • You’ll skip the world cup final but not the Christmas dance.
  • You love going to the local “fete” to watch the parish king and queen contest.
  • Irritating person = swine.
  • When you disagree you say “balls”.
  • You can’t play cricket to save your life, but you rock at football.
  • You don’t like Remo too much, but if a non-catholic doesn’t like him, you’ll kick his arse for it.
  • Your Hindi is a little better than Michael Jackson’s.
  • You claim you can’t speak Konkani, but in reality, you can use it to win the Nobel Prize for literature.
  • Christmas is not happy, it’s merry.
  • Suits are black, dark blue and grey. Only.
  • On a Saturday night, you want to go out for a “cupple-a-beers” men!
  • Sunday is chicken curry day.
  • Your freezer is filled with last! years Sorpotel, which if u heat and eat with pao no, its damn tashty men.
  • You prefer chicken patties to chicken lollypops.
  • When you order pav bhaji, you eat more pav than bhaji.
  • If you’re Goan you hate Mangies and vice-versa.
  • Both Goans and Mangies hate East- Indians a little. East Indians are people who’ve always been living in west India, and have nothing to do with the West Indies. Not from the east, not terribly Indian either.
  • Your bar has an okay amount of booze. 365 days of the year. And you “have some wine also men” for the women who don’t drink.
  • You didn’t watch Sholay but you’ve seen “The Passion of the Christ”. In a theatre. You think Mel Gibson is such a nice man.
  • Hope now you know whether you’re a pucca catlick or not.
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