You know you have a Mangalorean Wife when…

  • You speak to her in pure Konkani and she insists on talking to you in half-broken English.
  • She does not talk to you for several days because at a recent party you chose to speak in chaste Konkani and not English, thus lowering her social status.
  • She either has one brother called Wilfy, an uncle called Peddy, a cousin called Vally Dattu, a distant aunt called Yellubai (nickname for Aunty Helen), a mother who is called Jillibai, a neighbor called Pimpy, and a dog called Tommy.
  • She cooks “paiz” (boiled rice) for breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner and for in-between meals. Accompanied by “Kualo Kadi” and “Lonche”.
  • Her idea of a party is cooking “Pooolao” (Pulav), Dukra Maas, Sanna, and Kombo Sukho.
  • She drags you over to church every Sunday (and Fridays, for Gulfies) so that she can meet her friends from St. Aloysius.
  • Her mother comes to your house once a month and stays over for the next 29 days.
  • She thinks the telephone is one of the greatest inventions. Her phone conversation always start with “Aaz kale niste?” (What’s for lunch?)
  • She can tell you the current market rate of betelnuts (phopla) and coconuts (narl), without batting an eyelid. In fact, she thinks that people who chew betel leaves are cool.
  • She is related to or knows almost every one in Mangalore. E.g. “She’s my mother’s aunt’s sister-in-law’s maidservant’s niece.” And if she isn’t related to anyone particular, she makes them her Kumpadr or Kumadr.
  • She knows how much each neighbor is earning and scolds her husband for earning less.
  • She knows how to clean fish.
  • Her statements of sympathy always begin with, “So sad, no?”
  • You don’t drink beer and she wonders if there’s a problem with you.
  • She thinks twice about kissing you even after marriage.
  • If she is in the Gulf, she comes to know about what happened in Mangalore days before her cousins in Bombay know about it.
  • Your cousins are called Valli and Shipri.
  • Your idea of a date is having ‘gadbad’ (falooda) at Ideal’s or Pabbas.
  • The most famous men in your town are Marble Pereira, Bokol Pinth, Wagh Porbhu, Vokil Freddy, Jako Fori, and Khaithan Lobo

This is really funny forward that I received. lol. I am not sure how everyone will react but Mangee’s will know what I am talking about.

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